Are you one of those unfortunate souls that don’t think parallel universes are real?

Do you think that the MIU stories are just works of fiction?

Do you think that physicists are a bunch of fantasists who sit in comfy chairs all day sprouting wacky theories about the universe?

You’re not alone.

There are plenty of poor, deluded people who think that the universe we live in is the only one.

But we at the MIU know that’s wrong. And now we have proof.

First we discovered the wormhole that eats socks and transports them to their own special universe.

And now we have the definitive proof – bananas exist.

What is the point of a banana anyway?

It’s an oddly shaped, sometimes comical yellow object that monkeys and a few silly people like to eat.

They start off a gruesome shade of green, turn into their putrid yellow, and then go brown as they start to smell more and more unpleasant.

We don’t believe that evolution would produce such a silly fruit.

And now we know the truth.

Man Emerges Through Portal Carrying Banana

Deelie Howes, 65, of Shickshinny, Pennsylvania, was horrified when the picture of the Virgin Mary above her mantelpiece suddenly turned into a window into another dimension while she was eating her breakfast Tuesday last.

“There I was,” she said. “Eating a Pop Tart – blueberry and sherbet, my favorite – when all of a sudden Our Lady started to shimmer.”

“I watched her, wondering if I should ring my son, who always knows what to do in situations like this. Before I could find my phone, my prized picture had a man in the middle of it.”

Deelie was terrified when the man stepped out of the picture, and even more by what he was holding.

“He pointed it at me, big and yellow and much scarier than any gun. I thought I was going to die. Then he stepped out, still pointing it at me.”

“I stared at him, dumbstruck. I didn’t even stop him when he picked up my Pop Tart and crammed it in his ugly alien mouth. That was the last one in the packet, and it’s a ten minute drive to Target to buy more. I’m livid.”

Deelie, we feel your pain. Anyone who would brandish a banana in such a way must have a sick, twisted mind.

The MIU is on the case, trying to find this mysterious banana-wielding man, and send him back to his home universe along with all the other bananas.

Good riddance to them, we say.