How to Talk to a Quantum Cat

Forget all those books about communicating with your ordinary moggy. Quantum cats are different.

Here’s our handy guide to understanding what your quantum cat is trying to tell you.

1. The Yawn

For a normal cat this means, ‘I’m tired’. For many cats, it means ‘I’m a cat’.

But for a quantum cat, a yawn is A WARNING. Watch out for yawns – if you miss them, you might regret it, as your cat is about to enter a quantum state.

2. The Blink

So they told you that if your cat blinks at you it’s a sign of affection?

Think again!

3. The Fast Trot

If your quantum cat is trotting towards you, he’s not happy to see you. Oh no!

He’s actually escaping the scene of the crime.

4. The Flop

Is your quantum cat really that relaxed when she’s lying around on the floor getting under your feet?

Oh no, she’s in another inter-dimensional reality. A better one than you can provide, inadequate human.

5. The First Steps

And finally, proving that quantum cats don’t have to be ginger (although Schrödinger would disagree with me), here’s a cat’s first long hard stare into the void.

Is he playing? Is he about to hide? No, he’s contemplating the unbearable vastness of the universe.